i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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