just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
