fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
