That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
