as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
