there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
