next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
