yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
