do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
