I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
