the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
