I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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