i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you win again, gameday.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
