I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
