I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
