How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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