I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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