Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
