My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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