from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
