My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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