I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
