so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
