Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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