i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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