So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
