haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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