i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
