New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
