Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell her she can't have a vagina
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
