please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
