oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
