i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
