he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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