you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
