She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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