dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.