3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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