i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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