So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
