some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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