dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
