will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
