don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
