im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
