I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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