I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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