If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
