You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
