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• (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  so I ended up banging her last night

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't even remember

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"

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• (707): View more from California

  And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa

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• (518): View more from New York

  No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.

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