I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
