We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's like iHOP with fire
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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