There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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