Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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