What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
