so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
