I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
