Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize