Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
