I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
