a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
