just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
