I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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