Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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