Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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