my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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