Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
